Sarah's 365

On November 11th, 2017, I turned 24 years old and I decided to make a big change in my life. I wanted to take the next year to rediscover who I was as a person. From November 11th, 2017 to November 11th, 2018, I wanted to just make myself a better person. Whether that was my mental health, my weight, my photography, my career, my finances, or something else. At the time, I lost a big part of who I was. I didn't feel like myself. I was struggling more than I ever thought I would in my life, and that was my final straw. It was time. For me, turning 25 is a big deal. My 24th birthday wasn't the best, but no matter what, I was going to make my 25th birthday amazing. 

So my year long journey was named Sarah's 365, for obvious reasons. I am Sarah and a year has 365 days. Duh. So I started a notebook for it. Almost like a bullet journal but a tad different. I began recording my emotions for each day. I wrote down my exercises, when I did them. I recorded other things as well. I made it a while through the first several months, but come mid April I stopped. And that is when my life truly started changing. 

One thing that I recorded were "Long Term Goals" and there are only four. They were:

-Get Financially Stable

-Get Healthy/Lose Weight

-Rebuild Website

-Publish Cemetery Photography

To start, I have made the first move in my life to being financially stable. I finally opened a saving's account and have properly started putting a certain amount of money aside in that account and the other is what I can use for bills and shopping! I love my shopping haha. I recently opened my account, but better late than never. And I am so far sticking to my plan of saving money. I just got to work on my bad shopping habits. 

Second, I started working out when I was living in my apartment around my last birthday. I'd do small stuff in there, and when I took my dog to the dog park, I would run back and forth with her. For a while though, I'd stop doing anything, and then once I moved home, I joined the gym back in August, thanks to my momma. She wanted to get a gym membership but working out is always better with a better with a buddy. And I'm glad I joined. Some weeks I don't like going when I should, but it's a start and that's what matters. 

Third, I wanted to rebuild my photography website. I pay for it every year and I couldn't tell you the last time I added photographs to it. Instead, I created this website, and I'm glad I have. It has become a great outlet. Unfortunately, I have articles that I've started but I haven't finished. I have been working on labeling and editing more photographs. Trying to get things in order. So we are getting there, and there is my photography page on my blog, so in time, hopefully, my photography will really grow, and you will see how much work I put into it. 

Finally, this one I haven't fully been working on. Cemetery photography is my passion. I love photographing cemeteries. I am known for it. It's so rare. Cemetery photography is amazing and special and unique. My goal in this year was to get my work published. Just writing that is crazy. I want to get my cemetery photography published.

I do have a photography book created. I wrote a book. Well...I created a book. Not a lot of writing, but it is still my work. I did it during my senior year of college. It was an assignment, but it is still a book. It's not where I dream to be with my work, but anything it is doable. 

So today marks the last month I have left of Sarah's 365. This year has flown by so quickly. My life has truly changed. I have done a fully 180. I went through hell and back. I've become a stronger person. A lot of what I had hoped to accomplish in this past year has happened, some stuff has not, and other stuff has appeared that I didn't know I needed it to. 

I can't believe in a month, I will be 25. You know, that doesn't sound like something so crazy. So what? I'll be another year older. Who cares? But for some reason, deep deep down in my heart, I have so much to hope and dream for. I feel like once I'm 25 maybe I can accomplish everything that I wish I could have in my life. Maybe I think that I can truly put this past year behind me, and move on with 100% positivity and stop letting the negativity and pain of this past year get to me. Instead of taking one step forward and ten steps backwards, once I'm 25 I just take ten steps forward. 

You know, life is crazy. We all have different life goals, and different life paths to take. God created us in His image and likeness. That's why we are all our unique individual selves. Like for me, I'm a cemetery photographer. How many of you reading this can say, "Oh John Smith does that too!" Hopefully no one because that is my thing! haha but you get my point. 

With everything I have been through, everything that I have done in my life, I wish I could say that I am 1,000% satisfied with my life so far. But I can't. And that is truly, truly okay. That's why I'm excited to turn 25. Maybe in my head, once I am 25, a quarter of a century years old, maybe, just maybe, I can conquer the world, and not be afraid. 

I dream about future me. You know, we all dream about what we want our lives to be like. And sometimes that is my biggest struggle. I dream about where I want to be in the next year, five years, ten years from now, and I don't know how to make it happen.

My dream for the longest time was to be married and have my first kid, if not second, by the time I was 25. Look at me. I was married at 23 and divorced by 24, and I don't plan to get pregnant in the next year. My plans have been reassessed. And you know what y'all! THAT IS OKAY! God! That makes me tear up!

If you have read my posts, or if you know me well enough, you know that I went through true hell this past year. I don't really talk about it that much, but I'm not ashamed to say I was in pain, I was hurt, I was in the darkest place of my life. Very few people saw the true pain first hand. And I'm so thankful for those people. But you know, it wasn't easy moving back home during my separation. It wasn't easy telling people I am not longer married and seeing someone else. I've had days where everything in my life was finally going good, and I am the reason I feel like shit. I finally pushed through that, but lately I am going through those same episodes. And you know what, that is okay. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be happy. It's okay to move on. It's okay to miss somethings from your past. That's how you learn. 

And I think current Sarah prays and wishes that future Sarah lives a strong and amazing life. That she takes chances, and dreams of a wonderful life. But not only dreams it. That she goes out and conquers those dreams.

I think that once I turn 25, I will become invincible. That is my new goal for the next month. Forget other goals. Well...still try to achieve them, but the Sarah that I imagine me being come November 11th, start becoming her now.

Work to continue to better my life. Be the Sarah that others look to admire. Be the woman that you want your future children to look up to and inspired to be. Be the Sarah you think you will be once you're 25. Keep dreaming, but work harder to make those dreams a reality.  

Here is to the next month. May you go forward and conquer the world. Dream big baby girl, and happy early birthday. I hope it is everything you ever wanted and more. 

Sarah ♥︎